long december

It’s been a long December…

Many people are wrapping up 2010 with a run down of the “best of 2010” or the like.

I even devoted Top Ten Tuesdays to my Top Ten Twenty-Ten Memories.  See?

But as the year winds down and we are under 30 hours away from a brand new year, I can’t help but look forward.

Last night, after a long day, Cort and I were talking about 2011 before we fell asleep.  As usual, he was the one listing all the positives:

Cort will finish his first degree ever (Associates of Arts).

There is better hope for a job for him in 2011.

Eddie will be turning two (wait…what?!)

I don’t have to work nights at GRCC next semester, so I will be less stressed.

And there is just a lot of wide open possibility with the coming of a new year.

Of course, I am never that optimistic.  I worry.  It’s what I do.

I worry that Cort won’t get a job.  I worry that he will.

If he doesn’t get a job, we continue to struggle with budget, and worry about needing new vehicles soon, or worry about emergencies happening that we don’t have the funds for, or we grapple with whether or not we can afford to grow our little family.

If he DOES get a job, we face other worries.  Our daycare provider is facing an overload starting this summer and wouldn’t be able to take Eddie full time.  That doesn’t effect us now, but if Cort gets a job it will.

I know that sounds like a lame worry, but when Cort lost his job originally we cried at the thought of Eddie not going.  Not for us, but for him.  Amy (or daycare provider) is a good friend of mine, lives less than 3 minutes away, and most of all?  Eddie adores her.  ADORES.  He does his happy dance when we tell him that is where we are going (same happy dance he does when he hears the words “grandma” or “granny”).

He gets so much love at Amy’s.  And since she never has more than six kids at a time, he gets one on one, lots of learning time, arts and crafts time, story time, Bible story stuff, and lots of fun.  He sings and dances and lights up because of her.

The thought of going somewhere else rips me apart.

Also if Cort gets a job, I won’t have to work at night at all anymore…and probably shouldn’t.  Even if I want to since Cort will still be in class.

I don’t know why I worry about that, I just do.  Probably because I like it and it’s good for the resume if I should choose to leave high school teaching for something higher.

2011 will also be the year we seriously discuss growing this little family.  I don’t know that it will be a year of action since I am on meds that need to be weaned off from before I can get pregnant (and I KNOW I am not ready for that yet), but the conversations can begin about what we think is a reasonable plan/goal.  That is scary to me because I worry what the outcome will be.

I have always wanted more than one child, and looking at how beautiful and amazing Eddie is makes that feeling that much stronger.  Watching Cort be a daddy makes me ache for another baby.  But I know we have to wait a bit.

I hear many people getting excited about 2011, including my own husband.  They are all sure this is going to be the year that good things happen!

I think I am being more cautiously optimistic.  I am not counting any chickens, but I do have hope.

“Reason to believe that maybe this year will be better than the last”.*

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About Katie

Just a small town girl...wait no. That is a Journey song. Katie Sluiter is a small town girl, but she is far from living in a lonely world. She is a middle school English teacher, writer, mother, and wife. Life has thrown her a fair share of challenges, but her belief is that writing through them makes her stronger.

Comments

  1. 2011 just has to be better. Has to be. So, so many need it.

    As a fellow chronic worrier, I’m terrified about the possibilities of 2011. Terrified about what might happen and what might not happen. It’s a catch-22.

    <3

    • there is a fine line between terrified and excited isn’t there? especially for big worriers like us.

      but yes, 2011 has to have some good news…for BOTH of our families…right? RIGHT!

  2. I know you say you’re worried but it sounds like 2011 is going to be filled with exciting possibilities. I too am a worrier but it seems like there is room for hope and excitement alongside the worry, right?

  3. that sounds waaaay patronizing on a second read- totally not intended that way! More like we should all muscle worry into a corner to make room for better feelings… if only it were always that easy!

    • he he…not patronizing at all! it’s true…i dance on a fine line of worry and excited. they go hand in hand for me. but yes, I would like to punch worry and welcome in better feelings for SURE!

  4. Jill @charmedimsure says

    If it makes you feel any better… I’ve read about so many people glad that 2010 is ending and I’m just nit ready for 2011 yet. And not just because we’re a whole decade into the 2000s. There is so much I need to change in 2011 and I just don’t think I’m ready for it. Shall we jump in, feet first, together?

    • yes! that is so how I feel! I have lots that needs to be examined and then worked on in 2011. It’s hard to be ready, but I am not getting much of a choice! In 25 hours it will be here! So yes…let’s hold hands and jump in together!

  5. I can totally understand what you’re feeling and saying. Worry can certainly consume us, make it difficult to think of anything else or how it will all work out. You sure don’t know how things will work out for 2011, but you DO know that the three of you will face each challenge together.

    I like things to follow a plan, a course that I can see where it’s going. When it doesn’t I get all edgy. But life’s not like that I’ve found, and it helps to try to follow the flow of it all. But it’s hard. So hugs to you my friend, and here’s to a better 2011!

    • yes, I am working on not letting my worry consume me. It’s hard with all the anxiety crap I have, but remarkably, having a little one helps with the “go with the flow” attitude. Hugs to you as well! Here we go…marching into 2011!

  6. i am a worrier too. it’s so hard to just let go and trust that everything will work out. it sounds like Cort is a perfect balance for you. Excited to see what 2011 has in store for both of our families! love to you, friend.

    • Cort IS a perfect balance for me. We are definitely a ying and a yang. Yes, my friend. You and I may have some wonderful things coming at us in 2011! I am glad we are going forward together! Love to you, my lovely friend!

  7. As a fellow worrier, I know exactly where this post is coming from. We will be making some big family decisions this year as well- and it is daunting to think of all the change that is possible! BUT, it can be a GOOD thing. And as long as we live for each day, we won’t miss any of the good by worrying about the what ifs.

    • you are so right, my friend! we have to live and love each day and not worry about what will happen the next! So much easier said than done, but still a beautiful goal! thank you for the reminder!

  8. As fellow anxiety ridden, what if wondering, worry pants wearing, fearing tomorrow…friend…I am telling you to stop.
    Stop.
    Breathe.
    Breathe.
    I want you to think that 2011 is a new start full of possibilites but to remember that “possibilities” are never written in stone. Never. EVER.
    Worrying about what could be will only give you an ulcer that my 70 year old neighbor always complains about.
    I know it’s hard to not think about tomorrow, but you have to remember that all the things you’re worrying about are really not in your control. You can’t control it, therefore just let it go. Charmingly Chandler (Alene’s blog) said something that struck me…
    Let it be.
    Let it be Katie. Enjoy the now. Not the tomorrow. Tomorrow will eventually come but it might not be as bad as you thought it was going to be.
    You know I love you and want you to stop at midnight and give 2010 a gentle kiss goodbye and thank it for making you a stronger person…
    Then welcome 2011 with a hug…for it holds possibilities that may be better than you could have ever imagined.
    Love you my friend.

    • friend? you are just what I need when I start to spiral into worry. I am so lucky to have you in my life! I am so glad that I get to start 2011 with so much support and love from all the new friends I have met in 2010!

      Yes…I like that too.

      Let it be.

      I will worry about tomorrow when tomorrow is today. and not before.

      love you, lady. happy 2011 to you.

  9. We feel the same. 2011 HAS to be better!! You are so, so cute! I know good things will happen in 2011. 😀

  10. As usual, wonderful song reference 🙂

    I’m wishing you nothing but the best in 2011. Things will work out. I don’t know how. You CAN’T know how. But they will. They always do.

    Happy New Year to you and your wonderful family!

    • thanks, my fellow music loving friend! yes, things will work out…because they have to!

      much love to you and your family in 2011!

  11. I think it’s good to be cautiously optimistic. 2009 stunk so bad for me that I knew, I just KNEW that 2010 would be my year, and it was a pretty good one. 2011, I’m back to cautiously optimistic, no need to tempt fate and try to own two years in a row. And no resolutions. I blow at those.

    But yes, things will work out. Eventually.

    Everything will be okay in the end, if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.

    xx

    • I like that: “Everything will be okay in the end. if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”

      this is my new mantra.

  12. Happy New Year friends. I know it will be great for you guys.

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