A storm is rolling in.
I can see the clouds to the west growing darker and darker. It must be a slow moving storm because it’s been growing darker and muggier for about and hour now. Small rolls of thunder remind us that soon? There will be rain. And wind. And louder thunder. It might get scary.
But the weather assures us it will be short-lived. There will be sun again after. Even though more storms will come after that. Those they are not as sure about. Just that there will be more storms.
Is it a coincidence that as I have been searching ALL DAY to write about paying attention to signs, the signs of a storm have been growing and growing outside?
I read in my O magazine (and heard Oprah say it on her show) millions of times that the universe is full of signs. That there are no such things as coincidences. My friend, Missy loves this idea. My faith (which in my mind is always my mom’s voice) follows this idea too only it is called a Plan. Those signs? I think I am starting to believe. Oprah, Missy, my mom? They might be right.
It starts with little subtle signs–like the storm outside, there was a barely perceptible rise in the dew point (it’s been so damn muggy around here lately, how in the crap could we tell?).
Then, if you don’t act on those signs, they get bigger and a bit more pushy. The thunder has been increasing around here. And Cort just had to switch on the lights because it has gotten so dark. It moved us to DO something about the signs. Nothing huge, mind you. We are still going about our normal Sunday, but because of the storm? We had to move away from what we are doing to turn on the lights.
After that, if the Universe isn’t happy with the “action” that you may or may not have taken, the signs get even more aggressive and all up in your business. This storm? It’s coming. We should probably close the garage door and pick up any toys that are outside since now the wind is blowing pretty hard. We should probably bring in anything that is out drying that we don’t want to get all wet and blown into the neighbors yard.
And so on and so forth until the Universe MAKES you see the signs and take the path you are supposed to take.
The Sluiters know the signs of a storm. We have weathered quite a few. But this one that is rolling in and out of our life right now? It has different signs–at least for me.
At some point during this current storm of unemployment and job scares, some sort of new wind blew at me. First it had me question the state of education in my state. Do I really have what it takes to deal with this broken machine? Do I even want to? I love teaching, but I don’t love the machine. The political broken machine.
Then I started writing. And you started reading. And commenting. It reminded me of my love of the written word. So I wrote more. Some of you sent freelance opportunities my way. Some of these opportunities I have pursued. Some have accepted me! Lots of you have asked me to guest post lately. I am all sorts of in love with writing. The Universe seems to be telling me that someone likes my writing.
But I am too
humble stupid faithless to believe that this could be true. I read what I consider great writing. There are some of you who fill me up with inspiration while at the same time make me feel like small potatoes with my own talent (not because you are jerks, but because you are WONDERFUL).
So I keep writing here. And wondering. And dreaming.
I caught myself remembering how authors/writers were rock stars to me as a kid…and really as an adult. I don’t think I could ever write fiction. (could I?), but maybe a memoir. But would anyone want to read that? What would that be? Sluiter Nation in a binding? Who cares about our zoo visits or my cat’s vet appointments? But I guess there is other stuff…but I just don’t feel that it is book material. But what is it? What am I supposed to be doing with this new found love? Is it just a hobby?
As a kid, writing was a dream. You couldn’t really DO that as a profession. That was for talented people like Judy Blume and Beverly Cleary (who’d going to see Ramona and Beezus with me, by the way?). People with mad skills like Jen Lancaster and Anne Lamont get to write about their lives and have people coming back for more. There are people out in the blogging world even who are way better than me who aren’t even thinking about publishing. What do I have to offer?
And are you supposed to admit that you want to be a writer? Or is that just opening yourself up for snarky comments about how you should “stick to your day job.”
I don’t know.
Right now, on this Sunday afternoon, I am dreaming as I watch the storm. When the sun comes out…will I be in the same exact place, just bracing for another storm? Hoping this one doesn’t do any more damage? Will I ignore the signs and stick with what is “safe” (ha! right!) and very clichely just wait for the other shoe to drop?
Or will I recognize the signs, step out of my crappy storm shelter, and face the rain with hope and desire?
I don’t know. I really don’t. Oh…here comes the sun. That storm is over. For now.